"Resolution"

So, the final unit has begun, and yet I feel like I am a million miles from any sort of introduction, let alone a "Resolution". Nothing seems to motivate me to take photographs anymore. I take "pictures" all the time, but that's different - everybody takes pictures. To me, a "photograph" is different: it is much more considered, it has more purpose, and as far as I'm concerned it's film not digital. It's not a snapshot. Disgustingly, I haven't taken a photograph since the end of November - or at least nothing I consider to be a photograph. That's two and a half months. In all fairness, the dissertation was my priority, but surely, as a photographer, I should still be making photographs all the time?

Perhaps it is this strange way I have of differentiating between what is a valid photograph and what is not, that is actually hindering my production. Maybe. But right now I couldn't feel further from being a photographer. The institution of photography has sickened me, it has sucked all the fun out of what was once the most exciting thing I could think of doing. What used to be a joy has dissolved into a lifeless vessel, floating on a sea of resentment.

The worst part is that I truly want to make photographs, but can't bring myself to do it. I want to fall in love with photography again but it's doing nothing to tempt me back. The ongoing saga continues - photography versus music - and no two guesses as to who's winning this time. Why didn't I do a course in music production? Sometimes I feel I've wasted a massive amount of time and money at UCA. Do all thirds years feel like this at some point?!

I'm considering going to see the photography teacher at my old college. She was the one who made me fall in love with photography for the first time, and a rather hopeful part of me believes that she can reawaken my desire to load films, focus lenses and fire shutters. It's a bit of a long shot, but at this point - the lowest I've been throughout my entire education - I think anything is worth a try.